Approval Junkie by Faith Salie

Author:Faith Salie
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Crown/Archetype
Published: 2016-04-18T16:00:00+00:00

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* Great-Grandmother Hattie did things like reportedly employ a wet nurse for my grandfather until he was five. He would come home from kindergarten and announce he was thirsty. (Sorry—you totally didn’t see that coming. I’ll give you a moment to shake your brain out.)

In the early days of dating my husband John, I went to LA to shoot a pilot. Though I’d just put my thirty-nine-year-old eggs on ice, I was playing the mother of a teenager, who was really a twenty-two-year-old with a receding hairline. I sat on my BlackBerry while filming a long dinner table exchange and kept texting John in between shots, in between my legs. The creator of the pilot was Danny, who is a mad genius, simultaneously possessing the sweetest character and the darkest sense of humor you’ll ever encounter. He also happens to have written Seinfeld’s “Festivus” episode as well as my favorite line I’ve ever gotten to utter. In this dinner scene, my “son” asks me if I have cancer. Thrilled, I respond with, “No, sweetie—why? Do I look thin?” I’d filled Danny in on my dating status, and, in describing my new boyfriend, I’d mentioned John was Jewish. All my surreptitious texting did not escape Danny’s notice. He announced to the cast and crew that I was engaged in “The Jewish Semen Acquisition Project,” or “JSAP.” At any given time during the weeklong shoot, he took to yelling, “JSAP ASAP!!!”

It was a long, Gentile-strewn road that led me to the JSAP. Here are a few stops along the way during the year leading up to the Project’s initiation.

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